Love

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God...”

(1 John 4:7)

I have been fortunate in my life to have felt what love is, but I am keenly aware of the fact that not everyone grows up feeling loved. It is at the root of all our self-esteem and contentment, and it is nearly impossible to survive without having it in our lives from someone. I was born to a family who wanted and loved me, and I have had friends and neighbors who have demonstrated love toward me in many different ways; but no one seemed to exemplify love to me more than my Grandmother.

My mother's mother was an integral part of my life from the time I was born. She didn't want to feel “old” when I, her first grandchild, was born, so instead of having us call her Grandma, she asked that we call her Grammy. She was an amazing lady—active, outgoing, and giving.  When a lot of older women are starting to hobble around, she was riding her bike every day, climbing trees, and even roller skating through the park with us. Her enthusiasm for life was contagious, and people loved being around her, especially my brother and I.

For most of my life, we lived only 20 minutes away by freeway, and since my mother's health was not good, we spent a lot of time at her home.  My grandpa was a great man, and I enjoyed being around him, too, but he wasn't as involved with us as Grammy was. It seemed like most of the fun we had growing up was spent with her, and she rarely seemed bothered by all the things she did for us.            

Since she lived in Long Beach, California, we spent a lot of time at the beach, and she was the one who bought us our first Boogie Boards.  We spent hours body boarding during the summer, and when we weren't doing that we were laying on our towels in the sun eating one of her amazing egg-salad sandwiches. We had friends in her neighborhood that we played with, and when we decided we wanted to build a “clubhouse” she drove around town looking for some pallets behind businesses that were being thrown away.  She gave us a hammer and nails and said “Build away!” Then when we got tired of that, and wanted a cold drink, she would pick some of the lemons off of her backyard tree and make homemade lemonade—the best ever.  She even supported us when we wanted to sell lemonade on the corner, and we told her we needed about 5 pitchers of her lemonade.  She sighed a little, but she did it because she loved us and wanted us to be happy. When my birthday came around each year, she was the one helping me plan the party.  I had parties at the park, the skating rink, and a variety of fun places, and my friends quickly learned that they also loved Grammy.

I watched as she patiently and cheerfully helped my mother, her daughter, with her needs as she visited her each day in the nursing home or hospital.  She always tried to make sure that my Mom was happy and comfortable, and was very diligent about getting to know the nurses that took care of her.  Since they knew that Grammy was watching, they were more caring and helpful than they were to some of the other residents. Grammy also took us around to talk to and befriend many of the residents, and they looked as forward to us coming each day as I think my Mom did!  We learned how to reach out to others and be kind from Grammy.     

  

I was at Grammy's house on Christmas morning, 1988, when the phone rang. It was the hospital, calling to say that my Mother had just passed away.  I heard her sobs ring out in the hallway, and even before she told me, I knew.  When she came back to the living room to tell us that our Mother was gone, she hugged us and said she was in a better place now.  We opened our presents and carried on with Christmas as best we could, and when my friends came to the door to see what I had gotten for Christmas, I told them about my Mom.  They were so sad, and asked if I wanted to come over to their house; I went, because I felt if I tried to do something normal like hang out with my friends it would help me feel better, and it did. My friends' parents told me, “Your Mom must have been a special lady to pass away on Christmas Day.” I agreed. I actually felt peaceful for the first time in a long time, because I knew that my Mom was finally free of pain and sickness, and was in a beautiful, happy place.  I also felt strongly that I would see my Mother again, since I had been taught about eternal families and the sealing ordinances of the temple.  Grammy, who was not a member of the church and had no desire to join, didn't have this same comfort, but she did believe in God and Heaven, and believed her daughter was in a better place. I know that I can never fully understand the pain she went through, though; and she told me several times later in my life that losing a child is the most painful thing you can endure in life.  But she carried on, and kept trying to help my brother and I be happy, and I always felt like her love was one of the things that saved me during that time.

When I moved to Utah at the age of 14, it was devastating to her. My brother and I were her only grandchildren, and after my Mom had passed away, it absolutely broke her heart to have us so far away. I wasn't aware of this at the time, because I was wrapped up in my own issues and situations in my new home and step-family...but later in my life she confided in me how much it hurt when we left.  To her credit, though, she bravely carried on without us while she cared for my Grandpa who was rapidly deteriorating with the effects of Alzheimer's disease. She wrote us every week, and included a five-dollar bill in each of her letters.  These were such a lifeline to me, when I felt like no one else cared or knew what I was going through.  Grammy's love would demonstrate to me how much consistently doing the little things can make a huge difference in someone else's life.

Later, after my Dad was divorced from my step-mother and we moved into a Mobile Home park across town, she came to visit us, and had us come down over the summer to visit her.  She bought us a washing machine and dryer when she heard that we were having to go to the laundromat to do our laundry each week, and she even paid for braces for my brother and I. She never forgot our birthdays, and we could always count on having a generous check included in our cards in the mail.  I really took for granted sometimes a lot of the things that Grammy did for us, because I thought she was fairly well off.  Only later did I find out that my Grandfather had run up a lot of debt when his mind started to deteriorate, and she spent years paying it off.  She only lived on a small pension from her 30 years of working at McDonnell-Douglas Aircraft plant in Long Beach, and her Social Security check.  I remember seeing her tax return sitting on the table one day when I was visiting after I was married, and was shocked to see that her total income for the year was just above $10,000.  How could that be? I thought. She always gives generously to us each birthday, Christmas, and even on our Anniversary...and then it hit me that she gave freely to us, but lived on very little herself because she loved us. The lesson that taught me has never left me: she, in a way, “laid down her life” because she loved us.  She lived simply so that we could live in happiness and abundance, and I will never forget the gratitude that I felt as I realized her love and sacrifice for me and my family.

When I got married, she and her two sisters came to Utah for the reception, and they all three helped pay for my honeymoon.  They looked on in pride as Daniel and I sang “When I Fall in Love” at the reception, and were a big part of our life when we started having children. Grammy loved my children as much as she had loved me, and delighted in every little milestone and visit.  She was so proud of the things that my brother and I accomplished in our lives and careers, and was our biggest cheerleader.  When she passed away at the age of 92, I felt like there was a huge hole in my heart.  She had always been there, she had given of herself and loved me my whole life, and now she was gone. Even though I miss her terribly, I take comfort in the fact that she is now with my Mom, her beloved Diane, and with my Grandpa, her sisters, her parents, and so many of the people she loved in this life.  I know I will see her again, and when I do I will thank her with all the feeling with which I am capable for her never-ending example and love toward me.

Who has exemplified love the most to you in your life?  How has that love impacted your life?